Shopping Online Is the Only Way 4 Me & Santa!
Read on, please.
This year more than ever, Christmas shoppers will be not just hitting the stores but running the computers searching for the best online Christmas shopping they can find. And why not? It beats getting bumped and shoved, trying to move down a store aisle and stand in a long line.
Not to mention sitting in traffic and finding a parking place in the same zip code as the store you are going to.
I know, some love this, and it has become a tradition of sorts to join in the Christmas craze. Yes, the excitement of this time of year can be electric with Santa out in front of the store with a bucket.
Sorry, I am a realist.
I, for one, would prefer to listen to an insurance lecture in a foreign language than stand in line for an hour watching someone’s kids yell and scream while giving me dirty looks. Then, have someone ram their shopping cart into the back of my legs due to the congestion and them not paying attention.
Isn’t there a football game today?
So let’s get down to it. What about Santa and getting run over? I want to tell you a chilling story of courage and strength in the face of danger and horror. This story is the kind of story that few survive and live to tell.
Put the children to bed and brace yourself for what you will hear in this story because it could very well change your image of Christmas, Santa, and Christmas shoppers.
So it was just me and Jolly Saint Nick, his red bucket, bell ringing, and Santa chanting, “Ho, Ho, Ho, Merry Christmas,” right? Not hardly sweetheart.
So there I was, in a crowed, I will call “the disturbed ones.” There, on a brisk, cold, and dark morning just before sunrise, I stood. No, I was not in the middle of this crowd of women nor the back. This year, big papa was numero uno baby.
I had my frozen nose firmly pressed up against that glass door, and I could feel pressure on my back coming from the jealousy and envy that was vibrating from the old ladies behind me. It was a mixture of great pleasure to my ego and wonder in my mind if perhaps this was not at all a regular thing.
“Should have got up a few days earlier, sweet cheeks,” I mumbled to myself as the window fogged up quickly, blocking my view of the prize set before me.
No matter, it already belonged to me, I thought, which brought about a slightly painful smile, which me aware that my frozen chapped lips had now become stuck to the glass door.
I didn’t care, knowing that what I had manifested for two weeks was now mine. I saw it in my hands and could feel it like it was in my home.
I had found the frequency and was vibrating on the same level as that 60″ plasma t.v. That I would have for fifty bucks, those crazy women did not scare me, I am a grown man, I played football in high school, and I am in good shape, bring it on!
As I tried to pull my lips away from the glass, I could see out of the corner of my eyes that Jolly Old Saint Nick, who posed no real threat to anyone and was not there for the prize we were there for, Standing next to me.
He was facing the restless, angry crowd. The bucket no longer held up high but hanging lifeless from his hands just inches from the ground. Santa was no longer shaking his bell or chanting “ho, ho, ho.”
Now this once vibrant Santa stood silent, eyes glazed over and staring straight ahead. The look on his face was a look that you would expect from Santa if Rouldoulph had wandered too far South and during hunting season and, well, you get the picture.
I doubt I will ever forget the look on Santa’s face. For the record, it was one of Rouldoulph’s distant cousins that drifted too far.
Then, it happened. As I pulled the last remaining part of my lips away from the glass and took one more look down the long aisle of happiness before me, I was startled by A manager of the store, a store we will call Mallwart for now, who suddenly appeared on the other side of the glass door.
The look on his face was as startling as the look on Santa’s face. This pale, nervous man had a facial expression that resembled a look one might expect to see from an actor in a horror movie of someone about to be eaten by a monster.
A look of sheer terror was displayed on his face as though someone had put a gun to his head and forced him to come near the waiting mob of crazed people.
Frightened and whiter than the six inches of snow on the ground below, he slowly reached for his keys, never taking his eyes off of the crowd that now began to press forward as though they were drowning in the ocean and this small door was the only lifeboat available.
It was all happening in slow motion like the matrix, except without all the cool suits, bullets coming at you in slow motion, and Whatever.
Then I heard it. The keys went into the lock, and there was a loud “click.” The click I head was no ordinary click but a click that sounded like a click in a long metal tunnel inside another metal tube amplified by boss speakers two inches from my ear.
It was the only way I could explain it to you, sorry, it’s the matrix thing again.
The chills started at my toes and quickly shot up to the back of my neck when, silence, Darkness — cold, sharp pain, then nothing.
Beep…beep…beep
As things began to come into focus, I realized I was no longer in Mallwart!
The throbbing pain from the harpoon that appeared to be rammed into the vein on my right arm with recklessness and haste was enough to make me scream for help.
Just as I was about to let out a yell, a nurse came from nowhere and was suddenly two inches from my frostbit nose and swollen lips. “CAN…YOU…HEAR…ME…SIR?” No dear, but you are stepping on my oxygen line.
I wanted to give a smart answer, but when I heard, “HO, HO, HO,” coming from the bed next to me, I immediately turned my thoughts back to the fact that I should be at Mallwart!
My mind quickly ascertained that I was not where I was just moments ago, nor was I experiencing what I had manifested in my vivid vibrations. For weeks I had seen myself racing down the aisle to victory, like a man, and taking the prize.
We never had a chance; we never saw it coming. There were no posted warning signs or blogs written telling us of what may happen should we choose to participate in the day we no longer mention.
The Friday of Darkness is not a time of Christmas cheer and bliss, and it is not for me, Santa, or men who want to keep their dignity, health, or warm fuzzy thoughts of “It’s A Wonderful Life” this time of year.
I won’t go into the gory details of the injuries we suffered nor give names of those violent ladies, all of which were over the age of 65 and should be ashamed of what they did with those death carts that I believe should require an exclusive license to operate.
They may look harmless, do not be fooled.
You will be happy to know that Santa and I are both doing just fine now and have made near-full recoveries. The emotional wounds may never heal completely.
So, in all seriousness, different strokes for different folks. All over America, determined shoppers will line up on that Black Friday (now you know the real reason for the name), unaware of the dangers that lay ahead and focused only on the discounted prices too reasonable to pass up. Others will choose to stay home and find deals online wisely.
I think there needs to be an individual insurance policy for those who do elect to join in on the excitement of Black Friday. The risk for bodily harm and damage to one’s state of mind is real and can wipe out a person’s Christmas club savings before they even have a chance to use them.
There is no doubt that the convenience of online shopping is here to stay, and online shoppers are on the rise. Saving a trip, especially when you have a busy schedule, is a smart thing, but not the only reason.
The significant advantage of shopping online is that you can buy as many stores and products as you like in the comfort and time of your choosing. It could be 2 am, but that does not matter at all.
Online stores are 24/7, and you can order something from across the world in seconds and have it delivered to your doorstep.
So let’s look at my top 5 advantages that shopping online for Christmas presents can do for us.
- You do not have to leave the house to shop.
- What you buy can be delivered to your doorstep
- If you have any physical issues with your health and getting out to shop, now that is eliminated.
- The store never closes, so shop whenever you want
- There is no hassle or crowds or crazy shoppers who may run you over with their carts. (simple advice yet I fear you do not hear me)
In all fairness, I will give my top 5 list of why it is better to get out and shop in the mass of people:
- You may get a bargain if you survive.
- see number 1
- see number 2
- see number 3
- be smart, don’t do it.
The Shopping Cart Looks so Innocent Just Sitting There, BUT-
So, where is the best place to shop for a variety of gifts this year all in one place, where you could find something for everyone on your list? My number one choice is Neatfreaker. Why? Because it is the best place to start and find the right company or website to shop from home.
They have been doing this a while and are becoming quite efficient at it.
Here are my top 5 reasons to start with Neatfreaker online this Christmas:
- Variety
- speed
- Convenience
- listings that are simple and clear
- reviews
Most of us shop at the same places time after time, and that is fine. We need to feel comfortable before forking out the cash for something. However, how many of us were buying anything online in the not so distant past?
By all means, shop where you are comfortable and make it enjoyable. It is better to give than it is to receive but only if done in the right spirit of sincerity and not out of obligation or begrudgingly.
Do not let anyone steal your Christmas cheer that only comes around once per year. Not crazy shoppers, not pushy salespeople, advertisements, or inlaws.
I still remember that feeling as a young boy growing up. Christmas Eve, I would be so excited because my parents, even though they did not have much money, made Christmas mornings some of the best experiences of my life.
Stop and remember just what makes this time of year so special for you. Think of some fantastic things that happened in the past Christmas experiences or decide now that you are going to create one for yourself and others this year.
Yes, it is big business, and they will all be jockeying for position to sell you the “tickle me, Elmo” of 2019, having convinced your child they will be miserable without it. Don’t fall for that.
I hope you have enjoyed yourself and If I made you smile or made you think about what Christmas is for you, then I will consider this blog a success.
My directories are free to use and scroll through to find what you need. Click on the links of the websites you are interested in and off you go. Its the safe way to go, and if you don’t believe me, ask Santa.
Merry Christmas & God Bless,
Michael
Please note that the story I described was not real. Even though to me, this was obvious, I understand not everyone shares my warped sense of humor. Thank you.
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